Most of us know of at least one “prodigal” in our lives – someone who has sacrificed a life-giving relationship for one that brings only disappointment, destruction and death. Some of us immediately think of a child, for whom our hearts break. For others it’s a spouse who seems hopelessly caught in the downward spiral of an addiction or an illicit relationship.

Right now in our lives, it’s a friend. Terri had been one of the “bright lights” of our ministry. Unlike so many of our non-Christian friends, she seemed to have a genuine thirst for truth. When she professed faith in Christ after about a year of cultivating a relationship with her and sowing seeds of truth, we were over the moon with joy!

In spite of no spiritual encouragement from her husband, Terri walked with God and grew in her faith year after year. So we were speechless and broken-hearted when one day, out of the blue, she announced to us that she was leaving her husband for someone else, also an unbeliever.

How could she have? How had we failed her? What could we do now? There are many things that are incomprehensible when it comes to a prodigal. Second-guessing or blaming ourselves is generally of little value. But how we respond is critical.

Here are a few things we are learning. Don’t excuse or ignore sinful behavior. Confront it truthfully. Don’t enable their prodigal behavior. Let them live with the consequences of their choices. Don’t lash out in anger and hatred. Reach out in love. This is perhaps the toughest of all especially when we have been deeply hurt. Yet the best chance of a prodigal coming home is when they know that forgiveness and grace await them.

When it comes to disciple-making, there are no guarantees that those we’ve invested heavily in will not choose the path of a prodigal. When it happens, it hurts – a lot. But there’s no greater way to live and love like Jesus than showing grace to a prodigal.

Italicized names were changed to protect identity.