Deciding to become a missionary is a life-changing step for anyone. But if you’re a parent facing the decision of whether to become a missionary family, that decision comes with an extra layer of concern — how will it affect your children?

Every good parent wants their child to thrive: to have friends, do well in school, be safe and healthy, and enjoy life. Succeeding in those goals can be challenging even in your home culture, and much more so when you’re raising a child in a foreign culture.

It’s normal to worry about whether your kids will thrive on the mission field. But while your fears are valid, they don’t have to be roadblocks. You can take advantage of missionary opportunities for families and raise healthy children. Learning from those who’ve gone before you can give you confidence about your own family’s journey into missions.

In this article, Crossworld missionary parents share advice and practical tips for moving abroad with a family, parenting across cultures, and navigating transition, education options, safety, extended families, and ministry-and-home-life balance.

Feel God's leading to the nations? Here's how you can overcome the obstacles and get from here to the mission field. Download our free "Embrace the Journey" PDF.

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Jump to:
What can your children expect as TCKs?
How to talk with your kids about becoming a missionary family
How to help your kids move and transition
How to involve your extended family in your missions journey
How to help your kids feel at home in a new culture
How to choose the best education options abroad for your kids
How to advocate for your kids’ health and safety
How to involve your kids in your ministry
How to balance ministry and family life

Reasons to fear and reasons to hope

Crossworld worker Wes shared this story.

I found my daughter lying curled up on the linoleum floor of our apartment hallway, her small four-year-old frame heaving with sobs. All I could make out from her cry was, “I don’t want to be here.”

I remember watching her squirm and thinking “What have I done to her?” In the U.S., my daughter was joyful, energetic, and social. Suddenly, she couldn’t respond to her preschool teachers, ask to play with kids on the playground, or make friends. By depriving her of language, it was as if we had choked off the air to the engine of her personality, and things were starting to fall apart.

Prior to leaving for the field, I sat across from my mentor in an Arby’s. “I don’t want to destroy my family,” I said about becoming a missionary. “How could that be any kind of testimony for God? It would be better if I didn’t go.”

Now, just three months into language school, my worst fears were already playing out.

Watching your kids suffer is one of the most painful experiences for any parent. You quickly feel helpless, even if you’re in the familiarity of your home culture. And when you take your kids to the mission field? Two tasks fundamental to any parent’s identity — to protect your kids and teach them how to live — can feel impossible. How can you protect them when you are as vulnerable in a new culture as they are? How can you teach them when you don’t understand life in your new place any better than they do?

There is good reason to be afraid of taking our kids to the mission field…. But there is also good reason to hope.

I have not yet come to some stoic state of faith where I don’t fear for my kids anymore. Instead, the fear renders me a child over and over again, clinging to my heavenly Father and crying out, “Father, I’m scared. Are you going to take care of my kids? Please take care of my kids.” Maybe faith is this fear-gripped act of crying and clinging to God.

Within a few months, Wes’ daughter turned a corner with language and started making friends in her new home.

After all the anxiety I had, something unexpected happened: Our kids are thriving in Congo. In my little faith, I constantly am praying that God would spare my children from all of my worst fears; meanwhile, God is joyfully at work in my kids’ lives in ways I never think to ask for. There is good reason to be afraid of taking our kids to the mission field because a lot of things can go wrong for them. But there is also good reason to hope. What can go right for them has not even crossed our minds. Like a moth, God cups it in his hand, a glint of anticipation in his eye, and when it takes flight before us, he delights in our wonder.  

It’s normal to worry about moving your kids overseas, but don’t let fear stop you from going. Children often adjust more quickly than adults and develop skills of flexibility, empathy, and resilience that stay with them throughout their life.

What can your children expect as Third Culture Kids (TCKs)?

Just like for adults, the transition into a new culture can be challenging for children. But unlike adults who have more awareness and expectations (even if subconsciously), children typically adjust more quickly and embrace their new culture more wholeheartedly.

Growing up abroad does psychologically affect children, in both positive and negative ways. Missionary kids often experience common challenges and benefits.

Challenges of being a TCK:

• Confused cultural identity and sense of self
• Loneliness and opposition to commitment
• Academic disruption

Benefits of being a TCK:

• Flexibility, empathy, and resilience
• Improved cognitive and communication skills
• Competence in critical thinking and problem-solving
• Appreciation and respect for different perspectives

“I’m a TCK myself and know how much I loved and benefitted from the experience,” said Crossworld worker Chloe, who grew up with missionary parents in the Philippines. “When I speak with other teenage or young-adult TCKs, I am consistently impressed by their maturity and depth, as compared with non-TCK peers. I have counseled some adult TCKs and I know that many have faced significant pain and challenges due to their upbringing, but I have personally never met one who wasn’t still thankful to have been raised overseas.”

How can you help your kids overcome the challenges and amplify the benefits of their cross-cultural upbringing? We asked Crossworld missionary parents to share tips from their experience raising kids and parenting across cultures.

Common concerns of missionary families

How to talk with your kids about becoming a missionary family

“The best way is just to talk about it as part of daily life and take the ‘big announcement’ feel out of it. If your children are older, include them in the discussions about whether to go overseas and pray about decisions, needs, etc. as a family.” — Brenda, France

“As we raised support, we had a jar filled with colored rice in our kitchen. With each new supporter who joined our team, we added the rice as a family and watched it get closer to the ‘time to go’ line. Our kids knew that, when we reached the line, we were moving to our new home.” — Holly, Balkans

“Just remember that children play off us. Much of what they think or feel is their reflection of what they see and hear from us, so be careful that you don't project negativity and fears upon kids.” — Hannah, North Africa

Practical ideas:

• Pray together as a family for other missionaries you know.
• Find a missionary kid on the field for your child to be pen pals with.
• Learn with your kids about the country you’re going to — research their holidays, eat at a restaurant that serves their food, etc.
• Let your older children speak into the discussion about becoming a missionary family, and pray about it together.
• Be honest with your kids about the things you know and the things you don’t about what life will look like overseas, and remind them that God knows it all and he is trustworthy.
• Create a visual timeline for your kids to follow your progress to the field, such as a jar of rice or a paper chain.

How to help your kids move and transition

“Focus on what’s important to them at their age, like toys or a special blanket. You may think you can replace it when you get to the country, but it's important to value what your child values. Whatever is going to help your child feel safe and loved is worth doing. If you do have to say goodbye to certain things, give space for that.” — Beth, Japan

“The biggest thing they really wanted to know was that we would be doing this all together. Knowing we were listening and willing to face all the unknowns together was usually enough to calm their fears.” — Holly, Balkans

“The hardest transition was coming back into country after our first home assignment. One of our daughters cried many nights when she finally realized that we live here for good and it wasn’t just a trip. It’s difficult to be able to anticipate all the struggles, but we need to turn to the one who is our refuge and strength. It’s also important to pray over each child and let them hear it. Admit that situations are hard and we don't have all the answers, but we serve a God who does. — Hannah, North Africa

Practical ideas:

• Pray for each of your kids and the unique opportunities and challenges they face.
• Ask your child what 1-2 things are important for them to take, and do your best to accommodate them.
• Make a list of people and places to say goodbye to as a family. Make those goodbyes a priority, even amid the busyness of preparing to leave.
• Listen to your kids and help them unpack their emotions. You could use an emotions wheel to help them name their emotions, then pray together and help them communicate their emotions to the God who loves them.

Remember that grandparents make a sacrifice, too, when they send you to the mission field. Invite them to be part of your journey, and make a plan for them to be involved in your kids’ lives from afar.

How to involve your extended family in your missions journey

“We did our best to draw our families into the support development process and, as they saw God provide in miraculous ways, they became more and more confident in our call to the field.” — Holly, Balkans

“If the grandparents don’t want their grandchildren to live overseas, yet God is calling the parents to go, the parents can’t stay just because the grandparents are sad. You could unpack the desire and what’s important to them. If, for example, the grandparents are concerned that they will not have a relationship with their grandkids, brainstorm ways to keep up that relationship from afar. One grandma I know serving overseas teaches Bible lessons to her homeschooled grandkids in the U.S.” — Brenda, France

“We make it a priority to spend quality time with extended family when we are back in the U.S. Even though we don't see them as often as if we lived nearby, when we do see them, it’s high quality, focused time. Our kids feel that they have close relationships with their grandparents even though we live on the other side of the world.” — Chloe, East Asia

Practical ideas:

• Involve your extended family in the process, rather than surprising them with your decision to move abroad. Give them space to ask questions and grieve their own losses that come with it.
• Ask for your extended family to be included in your commissioning service at your sending church in order to recognize their sacrifice for the sake of the gospel.
• Make a plan for staying in touch, such as a weekly tea and video chat.
• Invite your family to visit you in your new location so they have a better sense of your life abroad.
• Ask your family to be available for your college-age kids transitioning back to North America. If you’re still on the field, invite grandparents, aunts, and uncles to help them get settled and provide a place for them to go for the holidays.

How to help your kids feel at home in a new culture

“We let our kids pick out bedding to bring from the U.S. When we arrived, they picked out other items to decorate their rooms. While we couldn’t bring all their toys, we could bring special items for each of them. I also brought our Christmas stockings — it helps to replicate family traditions.” — Hannah, North Africa

“We’ve tried to strike a balance between integrating and doing things the way locals do, and also recognizing and embracing that we are different. What that looks like has changed in different seasons of life.” — Chloe, East Asia

“We encouraged our kids to learn from the interests of other children if they had the character to be good friends. Our oldest took this challenge to heart and learned to love all kinds of things that she would probably never have considered without the input of these friends.” — Brenda, France

Practical ideas:

• Involve your kids in setting up your new home, from the decorations in your house to your new (or old) family rhythms.
• Start them in language lessons as soon as possible, either in school or with a personal tutor.
• Look for ways to engage your kids in their new surroundings. You could explore a new park each week, sign them up for a local club, or invite a neighbor family over for dinner.
• Don’t push too many changes at once. Each child responds to new things differently, so let each one adjust at their own pace.

Consider your education options before you move abroad, especially if you have a child with special needs. Crossworld can help you find the best schooling choices for your family.

How to choose the best education options abroad for your kids

“We decided to try local school as we wanted to prioritize having our kids learn the language. We work on teaching them to read, write, and spell in English at home. We pay close attention that they aren’t falling too far behind their peers in the U.S.” — Chloe, East Asia

“Putting our kids in the local school was the only option we had. This ended up being one of the biggest blessings to our family. It helped our oldest son make friends and learn the language quickly. It also gave me, as a mom, an instant connection with my community. The other moms became my first and best friends.” — Holly, Balkans

“Someone told me that you have to re-evaluate each child and each year. I didn’t realize how true this would be. Our kids have been in a homeschool co-op, local school, international school, and boarding school. While other people’s opinions are valuable, we need to bring this before God.” — Hannah, North Africa

Practical ideas:

• Talk with your team about your education options abroad, and pray with your kids about the right choice for each of them.
• Have a plan, but keep it openhanded for each child and each new school year.
• If you plan to homeschool, make sure to find another way for your kids to build friendships, like a homeschool co-op or church youth group.
• Start thinking about college prep in their early teenage years. Talk to an admissions counselor about what your kids need to be ready for university.

How to advocate for your kids’ health and safety

“We have one child with a heart condition who is under the care of a specialist. We made sure to get a clear understanding of what his needs were, and we spoke to those already on our field to make sure if the need arose, we would be able to get him help.” — Holly, Balkans

“We have a rule in our family that the person with the smallest circle of comfort wins. If one person is uncomfortable in a situation, they take priority.” — Beth, Japan

“We’ve had plenty of opportunities to trust God with our health. None of us can completely protect our kids. But it is our responsibility to make wise decisions, in dependence on God, of what is a healthy level of risk for our families. There are no black and white answers, just careful decisions made in trust.” — Chloe, East Asia

Practical ideas:

• Take your family’s physical needs into consideration when choosing a ministry placement.
• Research ahead of time what facilities and medications are available in your host country, and plan accordingly.
• Get to know healthcare professionals in your new location, such as in your local church or your neighborhood.
• Enroll in the U.S. State Department’s Smart Traveler Enrollment Program to get updates and help when you need it.
• Talk with your team about medical and security contingency plans so that you know what to do in case of an emergency.

Look for ways for your missionary family to serve together, such as baking cookies for your neighbors.

How to involve your kids in your ministry

“A lot of our ministry took place in our home with our kids around. They helped prepare the house, cook, and entertain the kids who came. We prayed together as a family for people and issues going on in our ministry. Our kids were able to witness answers to prayer.” — Brenda, France

“They add to our ministry and make connections with people in such a beautiful way beyond what we ever could. Nothing shows the love of Christ better than watching a family learn to love, forgive, play, and work together.” — Holly, Balkans

“We try not to use the word missionary around our kids. But we really try to model for our kids what it means to love our neighbors. And we strive to get to know the parents of their friends. An easy way to involve our kids is to make desserts and treats for others. The kids love the activity, and the friends love the gift.” — Hannah, North Africa

Practical ideas:

• Your kids will probably be your biggest in-roads to your new community. Embrace their role in your work!
• Both talk about your ministry and model your ministry in front of your kids, at an age-appropriate level.
• Look for ways for your family to volunteer together, such as serving your neighbors or visiting local families who have kids around the same ages as yours.
• Avoid putting pressure on them to perform or be involved when they don’t want to.

How to balance ministry and family life

“While I’m called to make disciples, the first people I was given to disciple are my kids. The health and wellness of our ministry hinges on the health and wellness of our family. There’s a temptation to focus on ministry goals and say my children are just along for the ride. But my children aren’t just along for the ride. Both parents need to be intentional about caring for the children.” — Beth, Japan

“We developed a plan for a Sabbath day, wrote it down, and outlined what we would and would not do as a family on those days. This has helped our boys know that there was a time and space in the week where all “work” would be put away and they would have our whole attention.” — Holly, Balkans

“Be in continual conversation with God and in tune with the Spirit on your commitments and priorities. If you are finding your value, meaning, security, or purpose in your work, your family will suffer. But the same is true if you are finding your value, meaning, security, or purpose in your family. Both work and family are gifts that God gives us to steward well and wisely for his glory.” — Chloe, East Asia

Practical ideas:

• Make sure your kids know — in your words and actions — that they are a priority to you.
• Have an ongoing conversation with your spouse about ministry commitments and family responsibilities.
• Make time for fun and laughter as a family. Put it on your schedule and prioritize it.
• Practice a Sabbath day of rest, and ask others to hold you accountable.

The idea of moving overseas with a family and raising children in a foreign country can be intimidating. But with thoughtful preparation and strong support at home and abroad, you can navigate these challenges and watch your missionary kids turn struggles into strengths as they thrive in a new culture.

If you choose to join a missions agency like Crossworld, you’ll have access to TCK experts, family counselors, education consultants, on-the-ground community with other missionary families, practical resources, and dedicated care. You won’t be alone on the field.

Best of all, you have a heavenly Father who loves your kids more than you do and is strong enough to provide just what they need.

“Through reading Scripture I became convinced that, if God was trustworthy, then I could trust him with my children; and if he wasn’t trustworthy, then I had no reason to share the gospel with others,” said Crossworld worker Brenda.

Yes, there are reasons to fear. But there are also reasons to hope for what God might have in store for your family. Will you take the next step in faith? The Crossworld community is ready to come alongside you.

Reach out to a Crossworld missions coach today.

Feel God's leading to the nations? Here's how you can overcome the obstacles and get from here to the mission field. Download our free "Embrace the Journey" PDF.

SIGN UP